stephanie_klein_smStephanie Klein, president and CEO of the Experience Factor, is a regular columnist for the Denver Business Journal. Her most recent column is reposted here.

Even the most skilled hiring managers and employees can find the process of negotiating the terms of a key-hire job offer uncomfortable and a bit unsettling. Besides a wedding proposal, very few other experiences in life are filled with so much emotion, fear, money and perceived permanence.

If you’re a hiring manager here are four tips to help insure your offers are accepted:

Are you really ready? Be sure you have a solid and realistic understanding of why your candidate wants your job, and what her hesitations might be.  The simple truth is there are red flags and subtle issues that crop up all along the way – if you are willing to pay attention. If you have not asked questions throughout the interview process, schedule a final meeting with your candidate to ask questions that will help establish the deal makers and breakers.  It may be uncomfortable to go back and ask questions that should have been uncovered earlier, but you would rather talk them through now then wait until they have rejected your job offer. Ask any seasoned recruiting expert, and they will tell you there are a few golden rules, commandments if you will, in the business of recruiting. The No. 1 commandment is: Thou shall not offer a job that will not be accepted.

It is not about the money. Remember that most people who apply for an open job aren’t as concerned about the job tasks or even the money being offered. The best employees are thinking more about their long-term strategic career decisions and goals.Treat the job opportunity in that way. If you want better talent, make the job bigger and more compelling. Don’t get caught up in thinking that by simply making the compensation bigger the best talent will accept your offer.

Negotiation is not a negative. Surprisingly, many hiring managers get offended when someone comes back with a unique request or counteroffer. Requests are not a personal attack on you as a person or a rebuke of the company. Remember this is your candidate’s only time to ask for more up front or to define expectations about performance. Many people know that if they do not ask for what they want at this critical stage in the process, they are not likely to get it later. How a potential employee approaches negotiations however will give you a unique perspective about how they will handle risk and rejection, and their true motivations. Pay attention.

Consider the counteroffer. Always ask a potential candidate how he might respond if his current organization makes a compelling counteroffer. Many employees feel their current employer has taken them for granted, and it won’t be until their top talent gives notice that managers may pay attention and make a last ditch counter offer. Find out how your potential employee plans to handle this objection. Vague and unspecific responses about how your candidate would manage this scenario should encourage you to dig further into the candidate’s intentions about leaving their current employer.

As a job seeker, you may be intimidated by the prospect of negotiating. Below are three tips to think about as you begin negotiations for your next position:

Know who has the real authority to negotiate. Many times the final negotiations are not done directly with the hiring manager, but someone else in the organization. Be sure your true negotiations are managed by the person who can make concessions, recommendations or find a compromise. The old adage of never take a No from someone who can’t say Yes applies directly here.

Know your Value. As part of your job search, you should have researched what you’re skills are worth in the market.If you are in an industry where your skills are in demand, you’re in the drivers’ seat. If what you do is not a primary driver in the company you’re interviewing with, the hiring manager might not be as concerned with your special requests or negotiations.Frequently, candidates confuse their personal worth, or previous salary, with what this company has determined the position should pay. Recruiters and professional associations in your field are a great place to benchmark positions and pay. Also, remember if the offer is at least the same as you currently make, you can suggest the possibility of creating performance pay for achieving specific and measurable goals or driving special projects that positively impact the company.

Don’t be afraid of the negotiation process. How your prospective new manager responds to your negotiation will tell you volumes about their character and style. Observe their ability to think critically and be reasonable while managing challenge and stress. Sometimes, hiring managers perceive negotiation to be negative, and may react accordingly. They could respond that the job offer should be enough, and any challenge to the offer is a rejection of the job or company. If this happens, remain calm, know your bottom line and be prepared to walk away.